


Head Over Heels

by kathkin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathkin/pseuds/kathkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's been very distracted lately. Arthur thinks he has fallen for someone - but who?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Head Over Heels

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://merlin-the-elf.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://merlin-the-elf.livejournal.com/)**merlin_the_elf**   2008. I think at the time I described it as a 3000 word drabble - nothing much happens beyond meandering introspection. :3

Merlin had been very distracted lately, Arthur had noticed. It bothered him, for some reason he couldn’t quite work out.

It took him a few days to realise that he was worried that something might be upsetting him, and then he was very surprised at himself. Because... that was just silly. So he tried to forget about it.

But then, somehow, he mentioned it to Morgana one night, and she stared at him, before somehow knowing exactly what was going on due to her infinite feminine wisdom.

“I don’t think it’s something that’s upsetting him,” she said.

“No?” he said.

“No,” she repeated. “I think he’s fallen for someone,” she said.

Arthur did his best to hide his surprise – he was pretty sure she noticed, though – and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?” he said, in what he thought was a rather convincingly disinterested tone. “Who?”

She shrugged, in a very un-ladylike way that she’d never have done if they weren’t alone together. “I don’t know. You know him better than I do. Work it out for yourself.”

And then Gwen had arrived with a dress for her mistress to change into, and he’d been ushered out.

*

He spent the next few days switching between pondering everyone Merlin interacted with, and trying to ignore the whole issue, because really, what did he care? Merlin was just a servant. He could do what he liked, so long as he got his work done.

*

“So how are things between you and Merlin?” he found himself saying to Gwen, having met her outside Morgana’s room (well, he’d seen her there from some distance away, and run over to talk to her while no-one else was around, but close enough).

“Fine,” she said. “Sire,” she frowned. “If you don’t mind me asking... why are you asking?”

“No reason,” he said. “Just curious. Any... new developments?”

Gwen considered this. He thought she seemed a little sad when she answered. “No,” she said. “I’ve not seen much of him lately. He’s been very distracted.”

“Oh, really?” said Arthur. “For how long?”

She shrugged. “A few weeks,” she said, then bobbed him a shallow curtsy, said “Sire,” and disappeared into Morgana’s room.

*

He supposed that she might just have been saying that because she didn’t want him to know, but she’d seemed to be telling the truth. And if she was, then Merlin must be interested in someone else. He just couldn’t think who. Gwen seemed to be about the only girl he spoke to on a regular basis.

*

A few more days passed. And then he was walking past Morgana’s room again when he heard Merlin’s voice from inside.

At least, he thought it was Merlin – he couldn’t really make out what they were saying, but it sounded like him. He listened for a while, and he heard them both laughing. They were still talking when he left, ten minutes later.

*

He saw them talking to each other again about a week later, one night after dinner. They were standing close together – not intimately close, but close enough that whatever they were discussing was obviously private – and they both stopped talking abruptly when he approached.

“Good evening,” said Morgana.

“Hello,” he said. He looked hard Merlin, trying to read his expression, but Merlin misinterpreted his gaze.

“I should go, shouldn’t I?” he said. “I have work to do.”

Arthur cleared his throat, and went with that. “Yes, you do,” he said, shooing him away. Then he turned to Morgana. “So what were you talking about?” he said.

“That’s none of your business,” she said.

“Is it _your_ business, then?” he said.

“No,” she said. “It’s Merlin’s.”

“Well, then,” he said. “You should tell me. Because he’s my manservant, so his business _is_ my business.”

“He just wanted my advice on something,” she said. “That’s all. Like I told you, he’s fallen for someone,” she turned to walk away, then smirked at him over her shoulder (and he knew that look – that was her ‘ _I-know-something-you-don’t-know_ ’ look).

*

But now he’d spoken to her, he decided that there wasn’t anything going on between them. Because Morgana wouldn’t be interested in someone like Merlin, and Merlin wasn’t the sort to talk to her about it knowing that (and he must know that – Morgana was _obviously_ out of his league).

So, if Morgana and Gwen were both telling the truth, then Merlin was interested in someone else. Someone he _didn’t even know_. It was very frustrating.

He found himself watching avidly any time Merlin so much as glanced at any women (he thought he could probably exclude those who were just visiting, but beyond that it could be anyone, couldn’t it? Merlin was probably too shy to make a move. That was why he seemed upset).

*

There was one serving girl that he spoke to occasionally. But then he stopped seeing her around, and, when he asked Gwen, she told him that she’d left because she was getting married. Sire.

And, though he’d watched Merlin very carefully, this news didn’t affect him at all (assuming he’d heard).

He even tried mentioning that he’d heard one of the serving girls was getting married, but even then, Merlin didn’t react (beyond saying that yes, he’d heard, and was happy for her).

He remained distracted. He did still seem upset, but no more so than he’d been before. It was all very confusing (Merlin, he thought, was almost as hard to read as Morgana).

*

One day he decided that he’d never know (and he didn’t care anyway), so he gave up, but then the next day he found himself talking to Morgana about it again.

“He’s told you, hasn’t he?” he said, having accosted her in the corridor.

“Who’s told me what?” she said.

“Merlin,” he said. “He’s told you who it is.”

“Who what is?” she said. “The object of his affections? Yes. Hasn’t he said anything to you yet?”

“No,” said Arthur, frowning. “Why would he have said anything to me?”

She rolled her eyes. “You two,” she said. “Are as stupid as each other.”

Then she stalked away, leaving him alone and mystified.

*

The next day, he waited until he knew Merlin was down at the stables, running an errand for him, then went round to his rooms to find Gaius.

“Is Merlin here?” he said.

“No,” said Gaius. “He’s working. With you, I assumed.”

“Uh... no,” said Arthur. “Well, yes. Well, it was you I wanted to talk to anyway. May I come in?” he said, then realised he didn’t need to ask (because didn’t he own all the rooms anyway?) and walked in.

“Is something the matter?” said Gaius. “Are you ill, Sire?”

“What? No,” said Arthur. “It’s not me. I wanted to ask you about Merlin.”  
“What about him?”

“Is he alright?” said Arthur. “I mean... he just seems... has he said anything to you?”

“He’s been very distracted lately,” said Gaius. “I’ve asked, but he won’t talk about it.”

“Ah,” said Arthur.

“Is it causing you any problems?” said Gaius. “I can speak with him if you-”

“No, it’s fine,” said Arthur. “It’s just... Morgana says...” he trailed off.

“Yes?” said Gaius. “What does Morgana say?”

“Morgana says he’s fallen for someone. But she won’t tell me who,” said Arthur. “And I _know_ she knows.”

“She might be right,” said Gaius. “But why does it bother you so much?”

Arthur shrugged. “I’m just... worried,” he said. Gaius frowned.

“I’m sure,” he said. “That you have better things to do than talk to me about your manservant’s personal life, don’t you?”

Arthur considered this. That was debatable, he thought. Right now he couldn’t think of anything more important than figuring this out (because he didn’t like not knowing things. That was all). But still, he agreed, and quietly excused himself.

*

The next day, he considered just asking Merlin straight out what was going on. And Merlin seemed to be about to say something a lot, he noticed, but kept changing his mind.  
“Is everything alright?” he said at last (that seemed to cover both concerns, he thought).  
“Yes,” said Merlin. “Everything’s... fine. Why?”

“You’ve just been very distracted lately,” said Arthur.

“No,” said Merlin. “Mind on the job. You know me,” he said, and laughed nervously.

*

But he really didn’t, he realised later. He wasn’t sure he knew Merlin at all. He didn’t know a thing about his life before he’d come to Camelot, he couldn’t work out what was going on inside his head most of the time (and he really hated that – the people he spent most of his time around were simple, straight-forward people, who were happy to talk about nothing but weapons and strategy, and didn’t say things that seemed to have come out of nowhere, or start conversations with him for no discernable reason) and he didn’t know who he was so interested in (and he was pretty sure he was hiding something else as well, but he couldn’t figure out what).

*

He returned to that thought later, and decided that he wanted to know all those things, really, not just the answer to the big question that had been annoying him so much lately. He thought about asking what Merlin’s life had been like before he’d arrived, but things had become so _awkward_ lately.

*

Once, he overheard Merlin talking to a visiting noblewoman’s maid, who actually seemed to be flirting with him. And Merlin was flirting back, in his own, shy, awkward way. She was going to be gone by the next day, so he knew nothing would come of it, but it bothered him (after all, wasn’t there someone else he was interested in?).

*

An hour or so later, once he’d had a little more to drink, he allowed himself to entertain the possibility that he might be a little jealous.

Just a little.

Maybe.

That would certainly explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

*

When he woke up the next morning, he considered this possibility again. It seemed rather more alarming when it was light outside and he was sober.

He spent the rest of the day trying to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away. By the time he went to bed, he was pretty sure it was indeed the case.

 _Well_ he thought to himself as he lay in the dark. _That’s... awkward_.

*

And it was very awkward, even more so than it’d been before, now (or maybe it was the same, but it felt worse now he knew why it was like that).

But he did his best to ignore it, and act the same as usual, because, well... Merlin was interested in someone else (though only Morgana knew who), and even if he weren’t, it would be... _wrong_. Merlin was a servant (not to mention distinctly male).

*

A few nights later he had a rather interesting dream about Merlin.

The details faded very quickly, but he was sure of two things – that Merlin had been involved (he could remember that much for certain) and that he’d got rather... excited.  
This was not good.

*

He tried asking Morgana again.

“Has Merlin still not spoken to you?” she said.

“No,” he said. “Why do you think he would have done?”

“Because I told him too,” she said. “Think it through, will you?”

Arthur thought it through, but it still didn’t make any sense.

*

Whoever she was, he decided, she was very lucky.

He hoped he could leave it at that, but it didn’t work out that way.

*

One night, after a feast, when they’d both had quite a bit to drink, he finally got around to asking Merlin about life before Camelot.

He’d thought about it, then shrugged. “It wasn’t nearly so interesting,” he said, and left it at that.

“Don’t you miss anyone?” said Arthur (it had occurred to him that the girl in question might be someone he’d known at home, and that the reason why it was upsetting him was because he missed her).

“I miss my mother sometimes,” said Merlin.

“I miss mine, too,” said Arthur, and Merlin seemed surprised (he supposed he’d been expecting him to laugh or something. Make fun of him. Be a prat. Be... well... _Arthur_. Well, he wasn’t himself lately, and that wasn’t his fault – Merlin was completely to blame for this).

He remembered vaguely that they’d both ended up passing out on his bed, but Merlin was gone the next morning. He’d shown up half an hour later looking tired and as miserable as usual, and hadn’t mentioned the night before at all.

This bothered Arthur. He felt they’d made a connection. And he’d felt as if he’d had Merlin’s attention for once (whoever it was, he was thinking about her almost all the time, as far as he could tell).

*

Later that day, his father had asked him if he was alright.

“You’ve been very distracted lately,” he said.

Arthur assured him he was fine, but he really wasn’t.

This was getting very out of hand.

*

He considered, briefly, just firing Merlin and finding a new manservant, one who wouldn’t let his attention wander so much (this happened a lot, especially when Merlin was dressing him, he’d noticed). One who was a little more competent. And one who he could be certain he wouldn’t fall head-over-heels for.

But then again, he hadn’t seen this coming at all, so could he ever be certain?

*

Merlin smiled whenever he complimented Arthur on anything. He smiled in a way that Arthur hadn’t seen him smile for anyone else.

He’d taken to complimenting him more often, just to see that smile.

*

It occurred to him when he got distracted during a practice fight, and was knocked to the ground for the first time in years, that there might be even more going on than he’d been aware of.

Merlin had rushed out to make sure he was alright (Arthur hadn’t even known he was watching).

He’d told him to stop being such an idiot, and ordered him away, but later he’d come very close to telling him that he did appreciate it. But he couldn’t let anyone else know that, could he? And it wasn’t as if Merlin was being open about his feelings.

But a month ago, he really would have been annoyed with Merlin for that. But now it’d been rather nice to see him there. After he’d fallen.

Head-over-heels. It wasn’t just a saying, really. It felt just like that, like he’d just stumbled over something, and now he was lying on the ground with all the breath knocked out of him and a sore head waiting for someone to come and help him up.  
Which was silly, because he should be able to get up on his own. He was sure he could if he tried.

But he wanted Merlin to come and help him up.

But that would never happen, would it? Because Merlin was interested in someone else. He knew that (he sometimes wished he could stop knowing that).

*

 

Morgana came to talk to him a few days later, wanting to know if Merlin had spoken to him yet.

“Why do you keep asking me that?” he’d said.

She sighed. “Men,” she said. “You’re all the same.”

*

Then she showed up half an hour later with Merlin in tow and pushed him into the room.  
“I’m going to wait outside,” she said. “And neither of you are leaving until you talk about this. Understood?”

Merlin nodded nervously. Arthur did not understand, but he nodded too, because he knew that look on her face – it was her _agree-with-me-or-face-the-consequences_ look, and he didn’t want to face the consequences.

“Good,” she said, and slammed the door.

It sounded much louder than it usually did, he noticed.

After a moment, Merlin took a deep breath. “Hi,” he said.

“Hello,” said Arthur.

Merlin didn’t look him in the eye. He looked past him out the window, then at his knees, then folded his arms and looked at the floor.

After a moment it occurred to Arthur that there might be even more going on than he’d realised before. Morgana must know how he felt about Merlin, mustn’t she? And she also knew... ah.

That would also explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

He took a few steps closer to Merlin.

“Well,” he said.

“Well?” said Merlin.

“Well,” he said, and smiled. Merlin smiled back, and it was that smile that was just for him.

He felt he might have got this right, to his surprise.

He took Merlin’s hand.


End file.
